Feedback that Lands: Adjusting Your Approach with Different Personalities

Giving Feedback Across DISC Colors (Inspired by 'Surrounded by Idiots')

Giving feedback is one of the most important leadership and relationship skills — and one of the trickiest. If you've ever felt like you said the “right thing” but it landed the wrong way, you're not alone.

It’s not just what we say — it's how we say it, and who we say it to.

In my coaching work, I've seen firsthand that understanding communication styles — like the four personalities described in Surrounded by Idiots (Blue, Red, Yellow, and Green) — can transform feedback from conflict into connection.

I once worked with a leader who felt frustrated that their "direct and efficient" feedback style (more of a Red) wasn't inspiring improvement — it was shutting down their team. By shifting their approach based on each team member’s core personality style, they didn’t just improve performance — they deepened trust and loyalty.

Here's how to give feedback that builds trust, invites growth, and honors the person you're speaking with:

BLUE (Precise, Analytical, Cautious)

Feedback Approach:

• Lead with facts and data, not feelings.

• Affirm their competence and attention to detail.

• Frame feedback as a problem-solving opportunity, not a personal flaw.

• Allow time for reflection before expecting a response.

Phrases to Use:

• "I noticed..."

• "Would you agree that..."

• "What’s your take on this?"

• "I'd appreciate your perspective on how we can improve this."

Phrases to Avoid:

• "I feel like you..."

• "You always/never..."

• "This shouldn't be a big deal."

RED (Assertive, Results-Oriented, Direct)

Feedback Approach:

• Be direct, brief, and action-focused.

• Focus on outcomes and efficiency.

• Avoid emotional appeals; stay logical and forward-looking.

Phrases to Use:

• "Here’s what needs to happen."

• "To get to [goal], let’s consider adjusting this."

• "This shift will help us hit the target faster."

Phrases to Avoid:

• Long explanations.

• Emotional storytelling.

• Indirect hints or passive language.

YELLOW (Enthusiastic, Optimistic, Social)

Feedback Approach:

• Start with positive reinforcement.

• Frame feedback as an opportunity for growth or creativity.

• Keep tone upbeat and encouraging.

• Tie feedback to future possibilities, not current shortcomings.

Phrases to Use:

• "I love your energy on this project! One thing that could make it even better is..."

• "You have a gift for [strength]; here's how we can sharpen it even more."

• "Imagine how awesome this could be with a small tweak."

Phrases to Avoid:

• Overly serious or critical tones.

• Critiques without hope or inspiration.

• Shaming or isolating language.

GREEN (Stable, Supportive, Harmonious)

Feedback Approach:

• Be gentle, relational, and affirming.

• Emphasize trust and partnership.

• Give time to process emotionally.

• Reinforce relationship safety before and after feedback.

Phrases to Use:

• "I really value working with you, and I wanted to share something that might help us grow even stronger."

• "When you’re ready, I'd love to brainstorm together on this."

• "This isn’t a criticism—it’s just something small I’ve noticed that we can work on together."

Phrases to Avoid:

• Abrupt confrontation.

• Aggressive or urgent tones.

• Public correction (always private with Greens).

Style	Focus	Key to Success
BLUE	Logic, precision	Facts first, preserve competence
RED	Goals, results	Direct action steps, stay efficient
YELLOW	Energy, future vision	Uplifting tone, growth framed
GREEN	Harmony, relationships	Gentle, safe, relational tone

Feedback isn't one-size-fits-all.It's an opportunity to build bridges, not walls.

Next time you prepare to offer feedback, pause and ask yourself:

• What does this person value most — facts, results, connection, or possibility?

• How can I meet them there with respect and curiosity?

Great feedback grows not just individuals — but relationships, teams, and trust.

If you’d like support growing your communication and leadership skills, I’d love to connect -- feel free to schedule a free consultation today.  

I want to hear your story!