Meet Your Saboteurs: The Inner Voices Shaping How You Live

Most of us don’t struggle because we lack skill, intelligence, or experience.We struggle because of the internal voices that quietly run the show under pressure.

In Positive Intelligence (PQ), these voices are called saboteurs.

Saboteurs are not flaws.They’re survival strategies you developed early in life to stay safe, successful, or accepted. They once helped you. But over time, they can limit how you lead, relate, and live.

The goal isn’t to eliminate them.The goal is to notice them — and choose differently.

What Are Saboteurs, Really?

Saboteurs are automatic thought patterns that:

• Show up when stress is high

• Sound convincing and urgent

• Feel like “truth” in the moment

• Pull us away from curiosity, connection, and wise action

They’re fast.They’re loud.And they’re usually wrong.

At the center of them all is the Judge — the voice that says something is wrong with you, with others, or with the situation.

The 10 Saboteurs

As you read these, notice which ones feel familiar — without judgment.

The Judge (Master Saboteur)

What it says:“There’s something wrong.”“I’m not enough.”“They should know better.”

How it develops:When criticism or comparison became motivation.

The Controller

What it says:“If I don’t take charge, this will fall apart.”“Relaxing means losing control.”

How it develops:From early chaos or unreliability. Control felt like safety.

The Hyper-Achiever

What it says:“I am what I produce.”“What’s next?”

How it develops:Praise was tied to performance, not being.

The Pleaser

What it says:“I don’t want to disappoint.”“My needs can wait.”

How it develops:Approval came from keeping the peace.

The Avoider

What it says:“This will resolve itself.”“Why stir things up?”

How it develops:Conflict felt unsafe or emotionally costly.

The Hyper-Rational

What it says:“Let’s be logical.”“Feelings complicate things.”

How it develops:Emotions were dismissed or overwhelming.

The Hyper-Vigilant

What it says:“What if something goes wrong?”“Stay alert.”

How it develops:Uncertainty or instability required constant readiness.

The Stickler

What it says:“That’s not the right way.”“Details matter.”

How it develops:Order and precision were rewarded.

The Restless

What it says:“This is boring.”“There must be something better.”

How it develops:Novelty felt like aliveness. Stillness felt uncomfortable.

The Victim

What it says:“This is so hard.”“No one understands.”

How it develops:Pain wasn’t fully seen or supported.

Coaching Reframe

Saboteurs are protective parts, not enemies.

They don’t need to be shamed or silenced.They need to be recognized and interrupted.

Growth doesn’t come from fighting yourself.It comes from awareness — and choice.

REFLECT: Bring Compassionate Awareness

Take a moment and reflect:

• Which saboteur shows up most often for me?

• When do I notice it — under stress, uncertainty, or conflict?

• How did this saboteur once protect me?

• What does it cost me now — in energy, connection, or clarity?

Name it to tame it. That alone creates space and curiousity.

TAKE ACTION: Practice the Shift

PQ teaches that every saboteur has a wiser counterpart — the Sage.

Where saboteurs judge, control, or rush…The Sage responds with curiosity, empathy, creativity, and calm action.

Try this in real life:

1. Notice“My Controller is taking over.”

2. PauseTake one slow breath. Feel your feet on the floor.

3. Shift the questionFrom: What’s wrong?To: What’s actually needed here?

4. Take one small wise actionNot perfect. Just better.

The Truth I See as a Coach

The leaders who grow the most aren’t the ones without saboteurs.They’re the ones who recognize them sooner and recover faster.

Self-awareness isn’t about fixing yourself.It’s about leading yourself with compassion.

And from that place, everything changes.

If you’d like support strengthening your mental fitness—whether in leadership or life—I’d love to work with you.